Since other people are not dealing with the person daily, it is normal for them to misunderstand what is going on. Alzheimer’s disease is frightening. When people are afraid, they shy away from confronting the truth; they tend to criticize. You may be told the problem is too little mental stimulation; Dad should be stuffed with vitamin B. You may be pressured to choose a nursing home when you do not want to, or relatives and friends may berate you for choosing this option, not understanding that it may be the best choice.
Another natural reaction to fear is to beat a hasty retreat. Relatives no longer call; friends don’t come around. Understand that anxiety – not lack of interest – is probably driving them away. If you want their support and involvement, enlighten them. Send articles that explain the disease; more important, consider inviting family and friends to visit and see what is going on. While you may want to shield other people from “the bitter truth,” a dose of reality is unlikely to be much worse than what they are already imagining.
Visits may perk up the person you are caring for, too. Even if you think your husband is too confused to know or get any pleasure from the grandchildren, you might be surprised. We all can guess, but we never know exactly what glimmers of understanding remain in anyone’s mind.
Or if visiting is genuinely too threatening, educate loved ones and help them rally around via a more formal route. If your doctor is involved and knowledgeable, ask him to set up a family meeting to explain the illness. Coming from a neutral third party, your need for support and understanding will penetrate loud and clear. You may be surprised how even alienated family members may reach out in sympathy once they understand what you are coping with.
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GENERAL HEALTH
