The death of someone close is always stressful and upsetting for a child. The level, intensity and duration of grief depends on a number of factors which include the age of the child, his relationship to the person who died (e.g. parent, grandparent, classmate), whether the death was sudden or was anticipated, and so on.

Young children find it difficult to understand the concept of death, and explanations must be couched in language suited to their level of comprehension. Older children experience the same grief reactions as adults. Younger children will possibly fear that they too may die. There will often be intense sadness, loss of appetite, sleep difficulties and sometimes regressive behaviour, such as increased dependency, wetting the bed at night, thumb-sucking, and so on.

It is always best to be open with children at this time. It is important for children to see parents grieving; in a sense, it makes it easier for children to express their feelings without thinking that they should act in a certain way. Like adults, their grief will usually be eased by the passage of time. They should be allowed to talk about the deceased, as a way of working through their grief.

Parents are often uncertain about whether to allow their children to attend the funeral of a family member who has died. There is no hard and fast rule, and parents have to make a decision taking into consideration all the circumstances at the time. Children of school age, and some who are younger, certainly are able to understand what funerals are about, and probably should attend.

Children may also become distressed by the death of a family pet. Parents should not try to diminish their grief by saying things like ‘It was only a dog’ or ‘Don’t cry — we will buy you another one’. It is often a good idea to allow some time to pass before replacing the animal that has died, to allow the child to experience and work through his feelings of grief.

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