One of the most difficult questions that physicians and families face is whether or not to tell an older person that he or she has cancer. I believe that it is usually beneficial for you to know what is happening in your life. Most people are far stronger than their families and physicians believe. You should have the right to know about your problem so that you can make appropriate plans for your future.
However, you should be told with tact and care. Often a physician can assess just how much you really want to know about your illness. He may gradually unfold the “full truth” to you as confidence between the two of you grows.
I looked after an elderly woman who had metastatic lung cancer. Fluid in the lung spaces (pleural effusion) caused difficulty in breathing. Her children begged me not to tell her of her disease because “it would kill her” if she knew. With reluctance, I agreed to call the illness a type of “inflammation.”
A number of treatments to prevent the lung fluid from reaccumulating were tried. Unfortunately, they were not successful. The woman became more and more ill; every day she asked me, “What kind of illness is this that makes the fluid return?” I answered, “It is a type of inflammation.” One day, when she was gravely ill, she said to me, “This illness is worse than cancer, because with cancer at least you know what you’re dealing with. This one is a real mystery.” She died not long after this.
Because of their inability to discuss the problem with their mother, her children were not able to face the likelihood of her death. And she was not able to make the kind of honest decisions that people may want to make when they know they do not have much more time in this world. Thus it is essential that you discuss with your family and your physician how much you would like to know should you become ill. And it is best to discuss this while you are healthy, rather than waiting until a serious illness occurs.
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